by Masa Takahashi

I was born in Japan and spent my early years in the countryside in Hyogo Prefecture.

When I was 25, I met a girl from Melbourne who was in Japan on a working holiday visa. We shared a connection, and started dating. When her visa expired, she returned to Australia. We tried to maintain a long-distance relationship for a while, but it became too difficult to bear. I decided to follow her to Australia to see if we could make a future together.

We eventually decided to get married. I was warmly welcomed into her family and didn’t feel any discrimination from them. One of my wife’s grandparents fought against the Japanese in (now) Papua New Guinea during World War II. My wife was a little nervous about introducing me to him, but he shook my hand when we met.

My wife and I planned to go overseas together, but we accidentally got pregnant. So we started a family instead. Our eldest son was born in 2001. Many people commented on his black hair, and the nurses commented on his ‘Mongolian blue spot‘. My wife said that when she took our son out, people would look at her face and the baby’s face and seem puzzled. When she explained that her husband was Japanese, people would understand.

Cross-cultural parenting

I spoke to my son in Japanese and read him books in Japanese. My son picked up some simple words. He got used to Japanese flavours, too, as I was the main cook at home.

My wife had a big family and many friends, so we spent most of our spare time with them. Through the new baby and my work as a tour guide, and later at a Japanese food wholesaler, I met other Japanese people, but I was too busy to keep in touch with them regularly.

My wife and I eventually had two more sons. Each year, we either visited my parents in Hyogo Prefecture, or they came to visit us. But my children were not really exposed to Japanese culture much.

On the first day our eldest started prep (kindergarten), he met a boy with an Indian background. My son came home and told his mother, ‘I met a nearly black boy today.’ While the other boy told his mum, ‘I met an almost Asian boy.’

One day when my wife was out shopping, a lady asked her if she was the mother of her son’s new friend. The lady was a white Australian, whose husband is Indian. Once they made the connection that they were both mixed-race families, everything made sense. Our son and the boy became good friends.

When my eldest son was in Year 4, we moved to an area far from the centre of Melbourne. It was predominantly white, and our kids faced some racism there. One thing I remember was that they were often called ‘stupid Indian’ by their schoolmates. It was said to anyone who didn’t look Caucasian. My eldest started to skip school and struggled to fit in. He eventually became friends with one or two of the students. But after three years there, we moved to Japan in 2013.

We settled in Kobe, where we lived for the next four-and-a-half years. My wife taught English while I worked as a storeman and then later at an importing company. Our sons were 4,7, and 11 at the time.

Our youngest went to a local daycare and became totally immersed in Japanese life, picking up language skills quickly and learning hiragana by looking at his classmates’ lockers. Our middle son gradually blended in, eventually being able to translate simple sentences for his mum. Our eldest son had the hardest time adjusting because he was older and couldn’t speak Japanese. He eventually became good friends with an American Japanese boy, but when they went to different junior high schools the following year, he struggled to fit in again.

My youngest son used to tell my mother, ‘I’m Japanese, middle brother is half-Japanese, and eldest is Australian.’

But now, many years after returning to Australia, my sons’ interest in Japanese language and culture has shifted. The eldest, who is now 23, is the most interested in Japanese culture, probably because he spent his formative early teen years in Japan. He used to listen to Japanese music and K-pop, and dated a Japanese exchange student for a while.

The middle child speaks Japanese with an authentic Japanese accent, but his interest in Japan is fading, and he’s finding it hard to maintain his language skills.

The youngest spoke Japanese very naturally while we were living in Japan, but after returning to Australia he reverted to English. His interest in Japan dropped off rapidly, and his language skills also declined.

Blending two cultures

We settled back into life in Australia quickly. I got a job as a bus driver, and my wife continued working as a teacher. The kids started at a local school.

Did I fit in to the Australian way of life? I had to. I had no choice. In the early days, I needed to blend in and work to support my family. I was so busy that I didn’t think much about discrimination or being involved with the Japanese community here.

I feel fortunate because I’ve almost never experienced discrimination in Australia. Or maybe it’s due to my personality that I didn’t notice it. I’ve had some bad experiences because my English wasn’t good enough, but I don’t think it was because I’m Japanese.

When I worked as a bus driver, two or three times some not-so-nice people said something racial to me. I understand that some people struggle, and are affected by various issues, so it was not really about the words, to me – they were just frustrated.

For the first ten years, I enjoyed life here and spending time with my wife and her family and friends. Almost everything was a new experience, and I was young and hoped one day our financial situation would get easier.

The arrival of COVID-19 brought unexpected changes. For the first time since I’d become a father 19 years earlier, I found myself with spare time. I started connecting with the Japanese community online. The pandemic helped my wife and I realise how much we had drifted away from each other and the interests and activities we once shared, eventually leading to our separation.

Following our split, I began a relationship with an Iranian, opening my eyes to another vibrant expatriate community in Australia. Like the Japanese, many Iranians maintain strong cultural ties, which reminded me of the rich, multicultural tapestry that makes up Australia.

Now, I am more eager than ever to reconnect with my Japanese roots. Participating in community events and groups, I’ve observed a worrying trend: the ageing of traditional cultural groups alongside a regular influx of younger Japanese newcomers. I see it as an opportunity for me to bridge generational divides.

I now understand the crucial role community groups play – not just in preserving cultural heritage, but as a cornerstone for young Japanese people seeking to find their footing in a new land.

After living in Australia for 20 years, my initial one-sided admiration for Western culture has gradually faded. Now, I want to blend the best of both cultures – the warmth of my Japanese upbringing and the richness of Australian culture.

Looking back, I realise I’ve come a long way. 

But compared to the war brides and others who came here many years ago, it was a much easier journey for me. I really appreciate the efforts and work of our ancestors and seniors.

All photos supplied by author.

Postscript: The editors of this website think Masa’s story is particularly interesting because recent Japanese settlers to Australia are predominantly women married to Australian men. And we rarely hear from men about the experience of childrearing.

For more about Japanese women and migration, read Nikkei Australia member Dr Takeshi Hamano’s thesis.